Blerg!

So, tonight was my night to normally go to Krav Maga. But, Sean is going to be out of town tomorrow (plus I wasn't feeling great), so I thought I'd stay home, get a few things done around the house, and hang out with Sean.

Unfortunately, I made the mistake of not telling Sean my plan...and he didn't get home 'til 9:00.
Well, you might be thinking, at least you got things done around the house, what with the house all to yourself, and all that free time.
Alas, that is not the case either. I moved a few minor things, am working on more laundry...but, overall, I did pretty much NOTHING this evening. Now it's 11:00, I'm supposed to be going to bed soon, and I'm wrestling with guilt over not accomplishing anything. What to do...what to do...

Perhaps I'll just do a few things.

Tomorrow, I need to at least

• fold two loads of laundry
• wash new dirty dishes
• tidy up master bathroom
• box up and set aside things for donation

The exciting news of today is that my concept of changes for my art room are coming along nicely. I got some paint samples today, and am fairly certain that I'm going to be using Valspar Woodlawn Juniper (there's one other close candiate, but I'm going to see how I like this). I have all sorts of plans in my head, but will write about them when I have pictures of the "before" room so you can imagine the changes with me :)

No Shortage of Things to do...

Is about to embark on a journey. I have a to-do list for today (probably a little too ambitious, but I'm still going to see what I can get done from it). For a little accountability (and some pats on the back, should I succeed), here (in no particular order) is my list for today:

• dump water out of trash can
• take trash and recycling outside to bins
• dishes
• move boxes into garage
  
• vacuum upstairs
  
• vacuum downstairs
• de-fur EVERYTHING
  
• put slipcover back on couch
• garage (keep, donate, trash piles)
• make list of bins/shelving needed to organize garage
• empty car
• steam clean downstairs
• make bed (with clean sheets!)
• clean out dog crates
• bring dog crates inside
• LAUNDRY -- though there's ALWAYS more
  
• calendar & master calendar
• errands (separate list)

You'll notice some of these things are very simple, and are really on the list just to give me something to cross off! Some of them sound easy, but are deceptive, only because you don't have any idea how much of that thing I have to do (i.e. LAUNDRY). The ones in red are the beast tasks. Oy!

Once these things are done, I also have a list pertaining to the rest of the house, and the things I want/need to do to each room for them to be satisfactory, or even complete! I can't wait to get to that part...however, all this must come first, I'm afraid.

I can't WAIT to get pictures up of my house in general "before," and then go room by room to show you what improvements I make over the next few weeks! I'm particularly excited to get to my art room, as I just obtained a new desk (pictures to come later) from craigslist, and I can't wait to start using it, and my beautiful room!

For those of you who read this and aren't insanely busy today, I just stumbled across a blog that I am in love with, and can't wait to spend hours looking through. It's called The DIY Showoff, and it has so many brilliant ideas, money saving suggestions, and redecorating tips that I could go into a coma of joy. They even showed one woman who redid her kitchen for only $175, and the transformation was AMAZING! There's also a painted floor that I'm desperate to try somewhere in my house...just can't figure out where! Enjoy perusing! I'll live vicariously through you as I focus on getting my house together!

I'm working on a list of goals of various things that I want to achieve. Once that's complete, I'll probably post it. However, for now, the only goal I officially have in place is to have my house sorted through and organized by the end of January -- I'd better get moving!

My, oh my!

Pizza pie! (sorry, couldn't help myself)

We're coming up on a three-day weekend, and a co-worker asked me if I was going to get to kick back, relax, and take care of myself. I thought about it for a minute, and then laughed. Nope...no relaxation for me. Not even on my birthday weekend!

My brother and I decided to go in together for my Dad's Christmas present, and get him...wait for it...a clean garage.

My parents have had a packed garage for as long as I can remember. In more recent years, the garage has been filled with all of my brother's and my memories: toys, clothes, schoolwork, etc. When my husband and I moved back home, my dad was so excited, but more so about getting my stuff out of his garage and into my own (that's probably not true). He kept threatening me to leave all my junk on my doorstep. Graciously, he gave me a few months to unpack our stuff, and then unceremoniously brought two carloads full over, and left them to nest in my garage.

Fast forward to now, when we find ourselves with a three day weekend (which, as previously mentioned, also happens to be my birthday weekend). This is the weekend Dad picked to clean the garage. I have been sick since last Saturday, and am just now starting to feel slightly better. I'm WAAAAY behind on housework, my garage is frozen in mid-re-organization stage, I have all sorts of attic space waiting to be purged of junk, I have several commissioned paintings to complete (as well as a few I want to try for fun), a house to organize and make functional, set pieces to paint for our children's ministry at church, several rooms in our house I'd like to paint/decorate/organize, a church bay that needs to be painted, AND my parents' garage that needs to be cleaned/organized. Whew!

So, obviously, I will be honoring my commitment to my father to help him with the garage.
("I meant what I said, and I said what I meant; an elephant is faithful, 100%" - Horton*)
Plus, it's always fun to hang out with the family. I'm trying to serve my husband and help him paint the church bay when I can...which leaves who knows what days to get any of the remaining things done for our house. Poor house.

I guess, for the moment, I'm naively crossing my fingers and toes, in hopes that I will have super human strength over the next few days, that I will paint like a fiend, clean with abandon, be able to sift through and organize everything that I want, and still manage to have energy left over to be a pleasant human being. Is that asking too much? I'm afraid so ;)

Realistically, I'm not sure what I can accomplish. I'm hoping to discuss some goals with my hubby while we're painting, and perhaps some of these things can be delegated as goals to achieve at a later time.

I'm going to resort to making one of my trusty old lists, and then put everything in priority order...I really hope to get a lot accomplished. My Christmas goals weren't successful, though I did make a decent start -- I'm just going to go crazy in the in-between.

*Quote and image belong to Dr. Seuss

Curiouser and Curiouser

I am up at a ridiculous hour of the night...er...morning. I'm currently watching this very bizarre movie...I can't for the life of me figure out if I should continue to watch it or just go to bed*. The premise is fascinating to me, yet not the first of its kind. Modern world collides with classic novel. Of course, with any such endeavor, I am displeased with some of the artistic liberties they took. I'm looking forward to the end of the movie, so that I can determine whether or not I enjoy it.

Watching it is rather amusing, because it's one of my favorite stories (Pride and Prejudice, as it were); it's wonderful to see these familiar characters in a new interpretation. Of course, A&E will forever be the archetype by which any adaptation of Pride and Prejudice is judged. I despised the newest rendition in comparison.

It is quite enjoyable to watch the characters exist outside the bindings of their book. It somehow makes their original story that much more ingenious because when things aren't orchestrated the way they were intended, when the characters interact in any way other than that in which they were first written, they cannot encounter or overcome their trials in a way that makes you fall in love with them in all of their flawed perfection.

It also gives more depth to the more loathsome characters...and almost tempts you to like them.

But still, it makes me curious about life...and all its complexities. So many times, people look back on their lives, and see things that they encountered; they look back and wish they could change their circumstances, or not have experienced them at all. There are things to ponder, like fate, happenstance, serendipity, divine providence, destiny...all means to disentangle and decipher the logic behind what leads, pushes, or guides us to our destinations, what shaped our past, what caused our present, and what determines our future (and, consequently, who we are).

And, though I found the movie I watched tonight to be generally disappointing, and much much longer than necessary, it reminded me of how grateful I am for all the little hiccups of life. How the things I've experienced, whether good or bad, have led me to where I am now, and how unbelievably mind-blowing that is...and how amazingly blessed I am to find myself here.

I could go on...but I'm going to have to make myself by sheer force of will retire to bed. Otherwise, I won't get a fraction of what I have planned for tomorrow accomplished.

*I most definitely should have gone to bed.

Friend Frenzy

Holy cow, I can scarcely contain my excitement! My best friend is coming to town in a mere matter of hours, and I'm forced to sit still, here, behind my desk, and pray that the minutes fly faster, that the traffic parts ways for me once I start to head home, that I can get the last few things on my to do list done, and that I can be at the airport as soon as humanly possible! Heck, I might even show up early and read a book while I wait!

I am blessed to have really great friends. Unfortunately, many of us are scattered across the country, and rarely get to see each other. I have a few peppered in South Carolina still, one in Alabama, one in Seattle, and a select few reside near me. It's hard being away from friends.

Thank goodness for internet, email, facebook, and free minutes after 7:00pm!

To all my girlfriends out there, I miss you, I love you, I'm so grateful for you, and I'm so glad we're friends!

Forgotten Snow Day

I’m sitting here, in the stark fluorescent light of my office, watching the snow flurry lazily outside. Now, I don’t know what the real definition of the word flurry is…but I feel as if there can be varying levels of flurry, and this would probably constitute a low to moderate…but it’s still a flurry. Pandora, my sanity’s savior while at work, is playing my carefully crafted Christmas music station, aptly named “Baby, It’s Cold Outside,” which is one of my favorites.

I’m playing a sort of game at the moment…I wish I had thought of it sooner. I’m keeping a tally of how many people call in to ask if school is either canceled or early release today. Technically, I could have started keeping count on Wednesday, because that’s when I received my first call to see if we’d have school on Friday. I wish that was a joke. Two days before the fact? :sigh: It’s all part of the job. I just received my second call. It’s highly unlikely that we will close early, because the snow isn’t sticking to the roadway, and it’s not super hazardous to drive in…though, really, we Texans don’t see it very often, so rubber-necking might be a hazard. Hadn’t thought of that. As of now, my tally is only up to two. Every time the phone rings, I admit that I cringe a little bit, and try to remind myself that they don’t know that they’re the billionth person to call asking the same question.

Ah, in character for Texas, it’s now sunny outside, with no sign of the blizzard we just experienced.

**********************************************

I wrote that blog a while ago, on our snow day. I don’t even remember what day that was. Ah, it was the 4th of December.

Now, there is no sign of snow, and I can FINALLY see a bit of blue peeking through the dreary clouds. I’m hoping the bright color will energize me. It has been far too gray, rainy, and simply “blah” outside. I’m finding more and more that my energy levels are almost non-existent. All I’d like to do right now is go home, crawl into my warm bed, and sleep until the time I would normally get off from work, and then set about cleaning the house.

I left my to do list on the kitchen counter this morning, but I can assure you it’s still there, and possibly growing…mutating...gaining a life force of its own. This week promises to be insane. It’s the last week of school before the Christmas break, which means work is going to be chaos at the very least. Lindsay is coming to town on Thursday, which is fantastic, but I feel like her arrival approaches slowly, while the time I have to prepare for her visit accelerates into oblivion. It’s really rather disconcerting.

I also have so many things I’m planning on doing this season. My biggest and the one I’m most excited about is “Operation Organization.” I’m going to gut my house, get rid of all the things lurking in attic corners and accumulating in my bay of the garage; organize the things we decide to keep; and then generally beautify the house. I think I might actually take pictures of the worst parts of my closets, my garage, etc. and then post an “after” picture of everything. That could be kind of fun.

Inspiration Through Incentive

I've been thinking a lot the last few days about many things. I'm pretty much a thinker. I know that would surprise some of you...but I analyze, process, dissect, evaluate, and re-evaluate most everything. Sean preached last Sunday on rethinking thanks. It was time appropriate, of course, what with the recent passing of the Thanksgiving holiday. But something he said has stuck with me, and is kind of making me re-evaluate the way I think about other things. The point he made that struck me most was something along the line of the absence or presence of gratefulness/thankfulness in your life is one of the most accurate indicators of your spiritual health. So, in essence, if you're well balanced spiritually, you ought to be abundantly thankful. I really need to find my notes from that sermon, and give you his actual phrasing -- it was much more concise than that, and probably clearer too. ;)

*edit - actual phrasing* The presence or absence of thanks is one of the most reliable indicators of spiritual health

Anyway, it made me start to think about how many character traits are intertwined with one another, and how usually the absence or presence of one indicates the absence or presence of another character trait or virtue. Does that make sense?

So here's the jump to what specifically I've been pondering the last few days. The pairing of commitment and sacrifice. I went to a free trial class of Krav Maga on Monday, to see if I'd like it, and to see if it was something I thought would help me lose weight and get in shape. I went, I loved it, and (no surprise) I was offered a membership with special perks to joining that very night, as opposed to a few days later. Needless to say, I found myself in the dark, in the cold, in the car, on the phone with my husband, pleading with him to let me join. There's a monthly membership fee that is quite pricey, and it's a one-year contract...which is a long time. And he was asking me what I could tell him that would convince him that I would hold true to my commitment and go a specified number of times a month. As I sat there, in the car, mulling over how much I thought this meant to me, and what I was willing to sacrifice, words clearly formed by the endorphins rushing through me spilled out. Are you ready for this? I said...

...essentially, I said I would give up shopping if I fell through on my part of the bargain. I'm not addicted to shopping; I don't do it excessively...but I do enjoy it thoroughly. I love bargain buys and thrifty finds. I love buying art supplies to make things for around the house, or for my friends. I love buying pretty much anything at Bed Bath & Beyond to try to make our house more like a home. I love to buy clothes (though this is probably my least common purchase right now). I love the freedom in knowing that I can pick up something without having to run it by anyone. And that's what I said I would sacrifice, if I didn't fulfill my end of the deal.

Once the endorphins wore off, panic set in. I wasn't sure why I'd said what I'd said, or why it was so extreme (as a side-note, that DID convince Sean that I meant business, and I joined KM), and yet I think what scared me more is that I was okay with the level of tenacity with which I had just committed myself to this plan.

I can't think of one time in the last 10 years, probably, that I have been satisfied with what I look like physically...possibly longer than that, though some of that was due to being an awkward teenager, as many of us have to be. Some of that was due to being raised in a family where none of the women I spent quality time with had a healthy concept of self-worth or value and, consequently had no self-esteem. Some was due to a distorted concept of my own self-image that I gleaned from negative dating relationships. But some of that was my own dissatisfaction with my appearance because of things I could change...and for some inexplicable reason, didn't.

Here I am, years later, countless fad diets and tactics behind me...nothing having worked because I didn't sacrificially commit to it for one reason or another. And all the while, I've stayed discontent.

Part of me wonders how much this is/was a physical problem and how much it was an awareness of my disappointment in myself for not being willing to sacrifice for what I thought I wanted.

All that to say, while my self-inflicted punishment (should I fail to attend class) is extreme (and scares me a lot!), it's great incentive...and why would that be a bad thing? I think it's clear that commitment and sacrifice go hand in hand. And, while I'm not saying I won't be frustrated, or overwhelmed, or discouraged...something about this has renewed a hope in me that was previously slumbering. The hope that this time, things will be different, because I have actually put something on the line to achieve what I want. It's rather liberating.

I know this is kind of deep, and I feel a little vulnerable in sharing it all...but it has really struck me as poignant.